reminiscence.

yesterday is all that we think about. it makes us what we are today.

a couple of days ago, i was asked to write an essay on the topic of 'reminiscence'. i wasn't sure about what i was going to say. i thought...broke my head, made a few paper balls and still kept thinking.

finally...my thoughts drifted and went back to my very first teacher. the teacher that i will remember for life.

i would like to share a story, one that is pretty important to me.

a story that changed me. i started singing when i was 13 months. before i could walk, talk or sleep, i could sing. it was a gift really. everybody around me felt the need to put me in a class that would bring out my voice and i obliged, assuming that i was going to be trained alone. of course i thought that, the spoilt little brat that i was. i only say this because i have heard my father sing, and it's not pretty.

i was a stubborn child, and would sing only if my mood permitted me to. no one could ever force me. although, when i did unleash my vocal chords, my little skit would go on for almost 10 to 15 songs at a stretch. i would glare at people if they sang along with me, get angry if anyone missed a beat. i expected everybody to applaud at the very end of my "baby-performance", as i'd like to call it. some of these small things about me are still a part of me when i sing. i am so partial to my music, that it can’t be anything less than perfect.

i would tap my feet and hum tunes almost all the time. i would sing all day and night. when i found out i was going to be trained with others, imagine the drama! i whined and cried and refused to go. but everybody convinced me to go. heck, i didn't even have a say..and can you blame me? i was four.

when i entered that music school, i really thought life was going to be piece of cake and that i could sing whatever i wanted. my teacher was wonderful and she told my mother almost immediately that i had a great eye for music. if only life were that perfect. my teacher had a husband, who was not involved with music. he was in the army. his role there was so irrelevant, except that this 60 something man (then) became indispensable to 4 year old me.

the rules were compulsory. we had to wear pavadai chattais, beaded necklaces, bindi's and camphor on our foreheads. if we didn’t wear any of that, we were asked to hold our ears and squat ten times. apart from singing, which was what we initially went there to do, we were asked to make 15 cups of coffee or oats for all the guests that came in. we had to come in early to water the plants and sweep the floors. we were trained from 9 in the morning to 1 in the afternoon, and again from 4 to 8 in the evening during summers.

the funny part about all of this is that i never felt bad to do any of these things. i knew my music teacher was wonderful, but it was her 60 year old retired husband, that made me realize the importance of punctuality, opportunities, practicing, winning and loving the art of music itself. it was a beautiful time, when things were easy and simple. i have learned to love music from that unbelievably wonderful couple. they are so old today, and unwell too..but they have taught me lessons that will be imbibed and etched in my heart forever. my happiness as a child is partially dedicated to them and my memories from that music class are by far the most special times in my life.


god bless childhood.

oh, you beautiful woman.

today's quintessential woman is one that is equal to super-woman. she brings her family together for dinner while juggling work and dealing with cranky children and a boss that could be the re-incarnation of satan. the question here, is if all of these things make her a "super woman" or a woman that finds her nemesis in the mirror? in this day and age, women are all about power too. gone are the days where they sat patiently at home watching dramatic soap operas on the television and chopped onions. today, it's even the other way around. do these things make a woman insecure?

on a lazy sunday afternoon, i sat with my grandmother to have our regular sunday conversations. she always looks extremely calm and composed, and i don't remember a time when i have heard her speak out of turn. a person with her own opinions, she still found her way and her path to womanhood through acceptance. She quoted once, "In those days, we used to wait patiently, we cooked food for 12 people a day. all by ourselves. if we worked, we were teachers, or we did social service at centers for children. we were very much unlike you girls", in her crackling voice.

i always wonder if they never had any questions and if they just did things because they were told to. back then, women played a major role in the house. but oustide, they hardly ever had a say. they were almost always confined to their batter-making machines and the traditional art forms that they pursued, like dance and music. they were pretty much blessed with great genes because of the simple life that they led.

on a completely different hand, a woman of today would absolutely disagree with a woman from the 80's. today, women are all about debating. she can talk her way through a divorce or anything related to money, power, politics, finances and sex. what can a woman of today not handle?

does that make her or break her?

in spite of all the pressure that a woman faces today, what makes her beautiful is her inner strength. the strength to be heard in a man's world, the strength to be a supportive mother, and the strength to blast her way through life without being a doormat.

that beauty is to be admired.
and that strength, is within every one of us.

praise you, you beautiful woman!

constantly changing.

do you believe in change? do you think it has happened to you?

it's happening to me. or so i think. hence the interrogation. so what keeps me smiling?

ok, let's rewind.

so i had a disastrous year. while switching between cities and shuttling between two parts of my brain, i have been trying to live what we call "life". while i am happy for people who have moved to a new city, a new country even, i miss them. at every juncture. at every point. in my opinion, happiness is overrated. for all this talk about finding joy in small things, if life were that simple, we'd all be happy by now. we'd have all that we want. but the truth is that even if we have the chance to be happy, we choose the road that takes us down to the other side (the boring one....little dark too).

there are a couple of things that have been missing in my life for a while now, the first one being enthusiasm.

where is all the enthusiasm in the world people? does nothing excite us anymore?

are we bound to just sit there and not care about anything or anyone that walks the face of the earth?

the next being a driver's license.

i don't know what pushes me away from the thought of being a legit driver. plain stupidity and procrastination on my part.

third being some kind of stability in making choices - that's pretty self explanatory.

you see how hard i'm trying to find a problem in my life? you see what i'm doing right there? that's exactly my point. if you really really think about it, you're not missing too many things if you're content with most things around you.

i'm trying to be thankful for what i have.

i'm trying to be normal. bright and shiny.

it's working. i'm changing...slowly but steadily. :)