i haven't posted in over a year and a half.

i have been busy.

not busy with activities, important meetings or round table conferences.

busy with my thoughts.

contemplating over things that could make or break my life.

what can i say?

a lot could have.. and has happened over this period.

high school results, college admissions, sleepless nights, long conversations, broken relationships, new friends, partying, accommodating, living, loving and being. but wasn't all of that enough? i was slowly but steadily entering that phase of my life, the phase that we call - 'youth'. i can't help but think of a ridiculous star from regional cinema when i say that word, but well, that's how i work. anyway, i walked through a really long road - facing my worst fears, enjoying moments of peace and working towards a goal (or so i thought).

you know how some people plan their life and it turns out so perfectly. i saw people around me - changing their minds all the time, and i would go - "i wonder why i'm so obsessed with this? why don't i have any options? is it because i'm sure i need to be here, or is it because i'm over confident?" But i was still proud. proud that i never let go, proud that i stuck to doing what i wanted to; proud that all i do, is cross barriers of sorts to get there.

but did it work for me? is it working for me?

i always feel like we need to go really far to get what we want. we sacrifice our homes, our friends, our life, our relationships and everything that comes attached, to go after what we want. my question is - when we do end up getting what we want..who do we share it with?

i wonder if i want to go all the way up a corporate ladder, just to be loaded and lonely.

every minute of the day that i work, i miss my family, my home, my people.

who shares your success with you?

i can't stay happy working all the time, if i can't come back home to share it with the people i love. i could be homesick, i could have had a bad day..and this could be a post that i may laugh at a couple or years down the line, or months even. but right now, everything is a blur. everybody goes through that phase don't they?

all we can rely on, is time..and hope that it heals everything.